Mr. Housewife

Neighbour           : Hello, happy to have you here.

He                        : Thank you so much.

Neighbour         : What are you doing here?

He                     : I am a home maker and my wife is working in a nearby firm.

Is there something weird on this conservation?

Hmmm..

By default you are thinking about your mom or wife as the home maker.. Right..?

Why do you think it to be a woman? I know that majority of the answers which I received in response to my yesterday’s post had taken the default assumption.  i.e. a home maker is a woman.

Again, it all depends on the culture in one’s country.

Women are not kitchen lovers (Exceptions could be there who are passionate on cooking). Who had put that crown of home making upon her head without her permission?

Is there any biological explanation of the same.. ?

I don’t think so.. Hence probably it might have rooted on the societal forces.

Yes, of course education and employment had influenced a lot in the ‘male-bread winner, female- home maker’ family model.  And there are a lot many female employers, employees around us.  And interestingly majority of them are carrying the same old crown of home making too.

Today’s women are deeply engaged in office work. And at home, they start their second shift with cooking, cleaning, laundry, mending, food shopping etc etc.  On a normal day nearly half of them will take up house hold work while 20-25 % of men only will do the same as per labour statistics.

The fact which had attracted me based on yesterday’s response (please check the post Just a Question..) was that ‘many of you suggested to have a break from home making Or you want a break from both cases, an entire break’.

Of course home making is not an easy task. There are many aspects to be taken care in our day to day life at home. It requires constant attention and patience. And it is not a one day task. It is like a never ending vicious circle as Shalini commented. House wives plan for a day, plan for a week, plan for a month, at times they need to have plans for a year also for the effective execution of their household work. So there is no doubt why you preferred to have a break from home making while responded to my yesterday’s question.

I am quite sure that some of my male blogging friends might get irritated with this post. Please excuse me. And I wish if you could understand the true essence behind this post. I just want you to think atleast a moment about your working wife, about your working mom and then decide how you can be a helping hand for her. Just ask her honest opinion. Or do you want her to juggle between work and home always?

And I am quite sure that there are a good number of kind men too who are there to share the load with women. But their percentage is sadly on the lower side.

And interestingly majority of these working home makers will never raise a complaint on home making because they might have already taken it as a part of their daily routine along with office work.

Now you will be asking me, ‘If they don’t have any complaints, why I am bothered..?’..

Yes.. in fact while I started to write this post, I was very much concerned about the working home makers. I was taking effort to help them, to help them come out of the situation.

But now I can see, my state of mind is getting changed…

A dilemma is created..

So back to your question on whether I am bothered about those working home makers.

Now I feel my concern have transformed into a state of pride. Yes, I am really proud of them..  

Now let me say to them “Your potential is used in the best way while you are managing both your home and office.  Don’t care whether someone is looking at you, whether someone is appreciating your effort. It is you only, who can manage these stuffs in the best way. Let your counterpart realize their ineligibility. You are always busy which means that your mind is really smart. Do appreciate it by yourself, if there is no one else to appreciate you. Understand that a woman is strong enough to handle the daily life stuff in the best way. You are naturally gifted with a talent of multitasking as said by Suprith. Your capabilities are always fine-tuned to adjust with any situations.”

And finally it is all about performing the role well whether we are breaking away from the traditional role or not…

Happy is a state of mind and we create our own happiness with our own attitudes.

Or is it like you have to set boundaries on what is expected if your ultimate intention is to be happy?

( yeah… the question is still valid and needs further exploration)

Love , trust and respect – let the relationship be rooted on these three factors and it will make yourself to be a proud home maker/bread winner irrespective of your gender.

About

The author is a Quality Analyst by experience. Part Quantitative data analyst, part consultant for quality and information security practices, part software tester, she is a writer by passion and blogs at https://wordsandnotion.com and https://qualitynotion.com/.

One thought on “Mr. Housewife

  1. anand

    June 12, 2016 at 2:25pm

    Yes true .. I guess masculine nature of large physique and body nature to do more complicated tasks may be a reason why women should stand only second and the first should always be a man.But I believe that men is the machine that carries out the task and women represent the source or path for making men do the job.

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    • Author

      Akhila

      June 12, 2016 at 4:50pm

      thanks Anand. and I liked your machine-oil model..;)

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    • Author

      Akhila

      June 12, 2016 at 4:44pm

      Thanks a lot daisy..Hope you are doing good.. Hows the marriage preparations going on..?

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  2. Mick Canning

    June 12, 2016 at 3:26pm

    It all comes down to the traditional roles that (male dominated) society decrees. The woman is expected to be the homemaker. Most men still see it that way.

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    • Author

      Akhila

      June 12, 2016 at 4:44pm

      thank you so much for your comment Mick. You told like ‘most men still see it the same way’.. And may I have your views in this line..? Do you still expect your mom or wife to be a home maker..?

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        • Author

          Akhila

          June 12, 2016 at 4:48pm

          thanks a lot mick..Glad to hear this…Fortunately she is in the comfort zone.

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  3. theonlysup

    June 12, 2016 at 3:52pm

    Hey I see my name mentioned there . thank u for mentioning my view there.
    Now coming to post.. Somewhere I read Men hunted, women gathered. Men protected,
    women nurtured. As a result, their bodies and brains
    evolved in completely different ways.
    Hence as days passed on women evolved as homemakers.
    Now I always believed women make a better homemaker than men. The way women keep house in an organised way, may be we men have to have little more patience to do that. But yeah nothing wrong in joining hands in household chores.. Sharing responsibilities make a better family..

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    • Author

      Akhila

      June 12, 2016 at 4:40pm

      Thanks a lot for your views..yes I can understand that evolutionary path..my concern was primarily about her. I know some women who feel so much irritated, depressed with these daily stuffs. If they had at least an emotional support, never would have they raised their voices… And now I understood, how the feminism was evolved.. I am glad that you are understanding this and hoping your partner is treated in the best way.

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      • theonlysup

        June 12, 2016 at 4:57pm

        I always believed marriage is all about shared dreams.. Well feminism is not male bashing..and not about someone being superior than other . I support right sense of feminism..keep writing akhila

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        • Author

          Akhila

          June 12, 2016 at 4:59pm

          Yeah.. me too.. that’s what contained in the last sentences of my post.. “love trust and respect”

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  4. theonlysup

    June 12, 2016 at 5:03pm

    Good… People these days are more broad minded they have understood the responsibilities much better than patriarchal society.. So things are changing..

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    • Author

      Akhila

      June 12, 2016 at 5:08pm

      yes, things are changing ..but yes, challenging too

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      • theonlysup

        June 12, 2016 at 5:11pm

        Like in a team ,lead knows the competency and talent of each team members and assigns task accordingly so that they achieve great results, why can’t we share tasks mutually .. If women feels she can handle a specific work efficiently may be its fine to let her choose it.. And same applies for her partner

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        • Author

          Akhila

          June 12, 2016 at 5:14pm

          let her choose it..this attitude is missing in our world , except in a few cases..

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          • theonlysup

            June 12, 2016 at 5:16pm

            Not to take it in wrong way but
            ‘why me’ attitude spoils the relationship. Instead ‘lets do it’attitude redefines a better life..

          • Author
          • theonlysup

            June 12, 2016 at 5:21pm

            So does it answer ur questions in ur mind akhila 😉

          • Author

            Akhila

            June 12, 2016 at 9:46pm

            let me fry it once again..he he..

    • Author

      Akhila

      June 12, 2016 at 9:37pm

      yeah.. the last para contains the entire thing…and all three facts are very much essential.. we feel frustrated at times not because of the lack of love in the relationship. it may be due to the lack of respect and things are favorable when both could understand the essence in the right sense

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      • myheartbeats4ublog

        June 13, 2016 at 8:44am

        True Akhila…at times lack of respect & understanding leads to frustration despite the presence of love.. actually, if love is built on the foundations of trust, respect & understanding would the relationship last in its true sense!!!!

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        • Author
  5. Shalini

    June 12, 2016 at 7:27pm

    Apt analysis of the question you asked in your previous post. We really need to understand gender and roles are different aspects which need to be balanced to make sure home works well. One more thing i would like to add – Men bother this thing when either the lady of the house is ill or have gone somewhere and almost every man realize this but prefer to choose being blind folded which even result in women being the sufferer in most of the cases – due to negligence for their health & people love to define it sacrifice which is again rubbish. Very well stated and thanks for mentioning my comment 🙂

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    • Author

      Akhila

      June 12, 2016 at 9:46pm

      thanks Shalini.. you are absolutely right…there are men who pretends to be blind on her absence ..and ultimately the load is back upon her head itself.. And I know many women who are ready to wok indefinitely, only thing she needed is his care and emotional support…And many a times she is put on the fire of sacrifice..people never realize that she is not interested in their rubbish sympathy…

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      • Shalini

        June 13, 2016 at 3:50pm

        True that. But what i feel is even the one who are willing to sacrifice in exchange of support should define a limit to it. At the end for them it’s always a heart breaking regret to never loved one’s dignity and interest.

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        • Author

          Akhila

          June 13, 2016 at 4:09pm

          yeah.. it is very good advice to all women especially indian women

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          • Shalini

            June 13, 2016 at 4:13pm

            Thanks. Wish all Indian women understand that, before it’s too late.

          • Author

            Akhila

            June 13, 2016 at 4:14pm

            yes.. I think our attention needs to be paid..

  6. 2ndhalfolife

    June 12, 2016 at 11:35pm

    Nice post. I have been both in the past. It’s tough for sure. Traditional roles here are slowly changing, but the bulk still falls mostly on the woman. She is still ‘expected’ to be a great Mom, career woman, housekeeper, wonderful wife, active, beautiful, etc. Ugh…a lot of pressure and one reason, in my humble opinion, that only adds to the depression and drug use in our country. There are a million more reasons of course, but our expectations to be everything to everyone is unreasonable. There are interesting blogs written by male homemakers out there. xo

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    • Author

      Akhila

      June 13, 2016 at 9:41am

      thanks a lot for your valuable comments..you have a great point here. i.e. as the expectations on the women are increasing, the depression also increasing…

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  7. Author

    Akhila

    June 13, 2016 at 9:31am

    thank you so much my friend…your words really means a lot..

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  8. Author

    Akhila

    June 13, 2016 at 9:45am

    thank you so much.. I am pretty glad with your words.. yes hat’s off to our mother and grand mothers..

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    • Author
  9. Anil Hudda

    June 13, 2016 at 12:05pm

    Wow! I think men and women both should participate equally in household responsibilities. While it is easily said than done. I still believe it is possible. I have just watched “ki and ka”. Perfect example.

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    • Author

      Akhila

      June 13, 2016 at 12:07pm

      I am so happy to read your words Anil..In fact relieved as you share the same opinion..thanks a lot..

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      • Anil Hudda

        June 13, 2016 at 12:09pm

        You are welcome! Small suggeation for blog title. “Mr. Househusband” 😉

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        • Author

          Akhila

          June 13, 2016 at 12:11pm

          he he.. I liked the title.. in fact i purposefully kept it as mr. house wife..as i think there were some cartoons in the same name..i donno about that cartoon.. but I just heard it.. and sound a bit logical..

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          • Anil Hudda

            June 13, 2016 at 12:15pm

            Actually, it makes more sense as Mr. And wife contradicts. Well-done.

          • Author

            Akhila

            June 13, 2016 at 12:16pm

            yeah.. that was my whole intention..thank you

    • Author
  10. Nitin

    June 13, 2016 at 11:18pm

    Good Descriptive Post Akhila. Good going.

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    • Author

      Akhila

      June 14, 2016 at 9:37am

      Thank you so much nitin.. In fact I was afraid whether I described it too much..

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  11. Megha Agrawal

    June 14, 2016 at 1:07am

    Great post. I believe it doesn’t matter what people think about what you are doing. If you know you are on right track and working on something you have conviction, go for it.
    I will also say being busy is a blessing, it saves you from so many unwanted gossips and negative talks.

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    • Author

      Akhila

      June 14, 2016 at 9:34am

      I am glad with your comment dear megha.. yes, i agree with you totally that being busy is a blessing.. in fact it energizes our mind. we don’t have time for loose talks and all..

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  12. Doctor Jonathan

    June 14, 2016 at 2:23am

    You addressed a sensitive issue well. Both men and women might be better off supporting each other by offering assistance where needed rather than based on masculine or feminine roles. This idea supports the concept of helping each other rather than creating potentially divisive outcomes.

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  13. anaghamurali

    June 14, 2016 at 8:47pm

    perhaps its a question I never seem to find an answer…I have always wondered how my mom tackle things…..Everyone knows that it is simply not easy….my mom works even when she is sick until recently(now we help a lot),though dad is such a supportive and helpful person….its always moms work .I wonder if it is some type of stereotyping…its easy to give a lecture and when men tell they do chores I chuckle silently but in home its always burden heaved on ladies.I am not denying anyone who does chores.I simply mean reality where people expect wife or daughter or sister to take care of household works .

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    • Author

      Akhila

      June 14, 2016 at 9:49pm

      yes.. Anagha.. it is the saddest reality..exceptions could be there.. but the main junk expects women to be always in that traditional role of home making.

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  14. Author
  15. vicky

    August 27, 2016 at 9:12am

    in Germany there’s a term called HausMann which means male home maker. it’s not the rule that men should be the bread winners in that culture. Here in India we have the patriarchal society where men take pride.. there’s a saying “Udhyogham Purushalakshanam ” which means mark of a man is to have a paid job. You can’t blame men alone for that, if a man doesn’t work the society looks down upon him sooner or later the spouse the working female looks down upon him too. she feels embarrassed to introduce him to her friends which never happens when a man works and the female doesn’t ..

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    • Author

      Akhila

      August 27, 2016 at 2:35pm

      true.. and it’s all deep rooted in our culture and it will take time to change the mindset

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  16. Author

    Akhila

    August 28, 2016 at 1:53pm

    so why do you want to keep yourself above to that common man agreement theory..?

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    • vicky

      August 28, 2016 at 2:02pm

      it’s not above it on purpose. usually my perspective is different from that of others

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      • Author

        Akhila

        August 28, 2016 at 2:14pm

        is there a little arrogance in that language..

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        • vicky

          August 28, 2016 at 2:15pm

          no just the difference in opinion always

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          • Author

            Akhila

            August 28, 2016 at 2:24pm

            hmm…having a different opinion is always good..but feeling ‘i am not like you, my words are different from yours’..may cause to keep ourselves in a different boat..now, I doubt whether I am going argue in the opposite way, i wanted..

  17. Author

    Akhila

    October 24, 2016 at 10:45pm

    it is so kind of him…something which every gal misses nowadays

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    • Author

      Akhila

      November 5, 2016 at 1:03pm

      yes…it needs much patience and dedication

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  18. saalai kamalathaai

    November 6, 2016 at 1:10pm

    A direct hit!
    I too have felt the helpless situations of women especially in the terrible morning hours. Nobody needs help when a word full of appreciation or acknowledgement for handling laborious tasks can alone quench the thirst.
    Someone has to make a point about it, if not it goes unnoticed forever. It is great that you took the charge and finished in one step ahead of perfection.

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    • Author

      Akhila

      November 6, 2016 at 1:12pm

      hey Kamala, after a long time, how come you catch this old post..?
      yes, even no one is there to help, she will be quite happy if there is someone to acknowledge her work.

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  19. Author

    Akhila

    November 6, 2016 at 1:16pm

    ya.. i too noticed it recently that WP comes up with old post in front.. should be a bug..

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    • saalai kamalathaai

      November 6, 2016 at 1:22pm

      Perhaps to promote older or unrated posts. It helps the writers whatsoever the purpose is. 😉
      How are you then?

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      • Author

        Akhila

        November 6, 2016 at 1:48pm

        hmm…i am doing good dear.. how’s your studies going on..?

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  20. Author

    Akhila

    November 6, 2016 at 10:06pm

    Ya, if there is a litter bit of acknowledgement and a little care you can create a smile on ypur spouse face

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  21. Author

    Akhila

    November 6, 2016 at 10:08pm

    Ha ha…you know, this engineering life, i mean the study phase is basically intended to make you stronger, strong enough to handle any kinda adverse situations….you will understand what i meant once you are out of this life

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