Question of the day

Statistics reveals that mother is the primary care giver for more than four out of five children in a single parent family.

And why not father?

Of course biological aspects are there advantageous to a mother. But above to that why cant father create that intimacy with their kids..? (of course there are, I know. But my point is considering the total percent). 

What’s the mind block with those fathers who fail to grow up their children in a  single parent family..? Or is it all played by the law..? Or is it like he is incapable to grow his child alone..?

About

The author is a Quality Assurance professional by experience. Part Quantitative data analyst, part consultant for quality and information security practices, part software tester, she is a writer by passion and blogs at http://wordsandnotion.com and http://qualitynotion.com/.

One thought on “Question of the day

  1. K. Bellamy with a Purpose

    August 20, 2016 at 8:14am

    Hurt people hurt people especially people who hide their pain and can not, or do not feel Worthy of necessary help. Father never learned to be a father. Father never learned to be a responsible adult. Father never learned how to look inwards to find truth about his love failures with women. And the list goes on.. we all have a list of problems right. People can’t or don’t do shit bc they can’t or won’t. In fathers case it’s both. “Boo-hoo sad story, Black American Dad story” -Drake

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
  2. breathmath

    August 20, 2016 at 8:17am

    I think it’s played by law. I had seen disputed family years ago. The court has given all the three kids to their mamma and father could spend only a day or two in a week whereas father was willing to keep anyone his kids with him. But nope. He got stressed a lot and paralysed within an year at the age of 30 and lost his another side in next two years. Then went to coma and he lived for 40days it seems. He ended up for the love he had for his kids.

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
    • breathmath

      August 20, 2016 at 8:26am

      Not being so judgemental I mean to say law is also a reason

      Permalink  ⋅ Reply
      • Author

        Akhila

        August 20, 2016 at 11:49am

        Hmm..law could be a reason…but if so is it not mistake in law…

        Permalink  ⋅ Reply
        • breathmath

          August 20, 2016 at 12:38pm

          Yep! But law says it would be better for kids to be with their mother! Sometimes men won’t get that opportunity to prove themselves as a single parent 🙁

          Permalink  ⋅ Reply
    • Author
    • Author

      Akhila

      August 20, 2016 at 11:46am

      You are most welcome ash…and before that read my reply to hari

      Permalink  ⋅ Reply
      • pins & ashes

        August 20, 2016 at 12:41pm

        is it about single parent? well the law (patriarchal) is to be blamed or the makers of it! they think fathers are unfit to bring up children for infinite reasons, because, everything goes back to again, stereotypes.. it is not customized per person/per family/per region.

        Women are endowed with the mammary glands and the uterus, true. So what? But if it were the women alone, would they be a child in the first place?

        Convenient facts ignored by the society or parts of the society!

        Permalink  ⋅ Reply
        • Author

          Akhila

          August 20, 2016 at 1:59pm

          You mean the male population is getting fooled by this one sided law…if so why is it happening for so many years..

          Permalink  ⋅ Reply
          • pins & ashes

            August 20, 2016 at 2:01pm

            I would use a slightly different verb. Fooled is what the society the men and women are trying to be themselves, the status quo hasn’t changed. perceptions haven’t changed, if they had why this blog post and this question in the first place. 🙂

          • Author
          • pins & ashes

            August 20, 2016 at 2:19pm

            Just what I said, we are all part of this system! normalizing and rebelling against it is part of it.

  3. myheartbeats4ublog

    August 20, 2016 at 9:55am

    hmmm…the statistics what you mentioned is right, and agree with you till the second last paragraph…

    “But above to that why cant father create that intimacy with their kids..? (of course there are, I know. But my point is considering the total percent)” . – who says so?? who says fathers cant create intimacy with their kids?? though such perceptions, of course exist!

    “What’s the mind block with those fathers who fail to grow up their children in a single parent family..” – who says there is a mental block??

    “Or is it all played by the law..?” – well, this could be a probable reason, the law tends to favour the mothers, leaving the fathers look after ‘only’ the ‘secondary care’ aspects – maintenance & so on!

    “Or is it like he is incapable to grow his child alone..?” – well, this is a leading question. disagree (such capability / incapability is gender -free)

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
    • Author

      Akhila

      August 20, 2016 at 11:44am

      Well hari, you agree to the statistics, that mothets are the primary care givers in a single parent family. i am trying to figure out the reasons behind the same. What do you think?

      Permalink  ⋅ Reply
      • myheartbeats4ublog

        August 20, 2016 at 11:54am

        unfortunate traditions supported by the law(again, based on practices followed)
        But my disagreement was more on the last two paras

        what are YOUR views on the reasons?

        Permalink  ⋅ Reply
  4. Varsh

    August 20, 2016 at 11:57am

    Well, since a mother bears the child, goes through hell to deliver it and then feeds it, one assumes that she has a bond with the child that the father possibly doesn’t have. True, but not completely.
    I’ve seen fathers care for their children lot more, as babies too. I’ve seen my cousins sit all night with their babies while their wives slept away peacefully.
    Yes, the law is majorly at fault while deciding that the mother is the primary caregiver. Not all mothers pamper their kids too. Fathers have a marked intimacy which doesn’t come out easily since they don’t express just as much.

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
    • parijat shukla

      August 20, 2016 at 3:30pm

      Laws are basically made as objectively as possible so as to reduce the elements of discretion, subjectivity or arbitrariness in the decision making process…It probably serves the majority purpose with few instances of “acceptable injustices” so far as greater good is served.

      Permalink  ⋅ Reply
      • Varsh

        August 20, 2016 at 3:57pm

        Ya, but over time they loose their significance. Our society is changing rapidly now. Household economics are changing. The man of the house is not the only one who runs it now. SAHDs are slowly emerging. Laws need to take this into consideration too.

        Permalink  ⋅ Reply
  5. Bikramjit

    August 20, 2016 at 12:16pm

    Thats why A hard fought battle for justice for fathers.. In uk. And now finally the law gives equal respect to both parents.

    Its a myth that kids will be better with mums only .. I don’t beleive in it.

    Both parents are equally important.

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
  6. andysmerdon

    August 20, 2016 at 12:28pm

    I managed to bring up my son quite well after his mother passed away when he was very young – he is now 30years old and happy. But I agree with the general feeling that a court of Law seems to believe that a child will do much better with its mother than its father. I’m not sure why, a lot of gender preconceptions confuse me 🙂 Great post.

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
    • Author

      Akhila

      August 20, 2016 at 2:41pm

      Thanks for your feedback..do you think that the law is biased on some predefined voices…

      Permalink  ⋅ Reply
      • andysmerdon

        August 23, 2016 at 11:15am

        I think you may be correct Akhila and maybe those ‘old voices’ were men from the “women belong in the kitchen” and “children are the Mothers responsibility” era. Still some around today, but fewer I hope 🙂

        Permalink  ⋅ Reply
        • Author
  7. girlandworld

    August 20, 2016 at 12:43pm

    It’s something seriously wrong with our society but modern day Father’s are doing great job these days

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
    • Author

      Akhila

      August 20, 2016 at 2:10pm

      Why the society is under such fake impression for so many years…why there is no voice raised against, if it is the Fact

      Permalink  ⋅ Reply
  8. Mick Canning

    August 20, 2016 at 3:44pm

    Society has an assumption that the mother is the best person to bring up the children in a single family – which is probably usually true. It means that some fathers do not challenge for custody in a divorce, for example, assuming that they would always lose. I did bring up my children myself after divorce, but I was fairly unusual!

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
    • Author

      Akhila

      August 20, 2016 at 9:35pm

      may be that pre-assumption in their minds needs to be broken first.. then only there can happen a real change..

      Permalink  ⋅ Reply
  9. jacquelineobyikocha

    August 20, 2016 at 10:08pm

    Maybe the children will cramp his style. Raising kids is not easy and except where the mother is incapable mentally, financially etc, society deems it that the children are better off with their mothers.

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
    • Author

      Akhila

      August 20, 2016 at 10:09pm

      so jaccque, what do you think whether it was a mistaken assumption of society..

      Permalink  ⋅ Reply
      • jacquelineobyikocha

        August 20, 2016 at 10:14pm

        Hmm! I think nurturing children comes naturally to women so in that aspect, society is not wrong for assuming.

        Permalink  ⋅ Reply
        • Author

          Akhila

          August 20, 2016 at 10:15pm

          thanks Jacque for coming with a new answer to this question. really thanks to your open mind.

          Permalink  ⋅ Reply
  10. Nisthur Anadi

    August 20, 2016 at 11:16pm

    Father can do well , but can’t compete mothers , nature have defined few roles . No doubt human have manipulated nature and ruled her.

    It’s like water flows, sun is hot, moon is calm , ice is cold.

    You can’t question every element has its own properties.

    Mothers have thier own, father’s have thier own. They can swipe thier role for sometimes as Stepney.

    They both have their equally good different competencies.

    That’s what I can share with you as my personal opinion.

    I always said I believe. Handling both home and office. Today’s modern life of women is tougher then ever.

    I salute to all working womens , since working professionally does not mitigate your responsibility to words home.

    All working women are not women they are super women.

    May be I am out of context , please adjust.

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
    • Author

      Akhila

      August 21, 2016 at 11:02am

      Is it…dont he have time for that pampering

      Permalink  ⋅ Reply
        • Author

          Akhila

          August 22, 2016 at 11:32pm

          hmm.. can understand what you are trying to say..anyway it’s good that you are okay now..

          Permalink  ⋅ Reply
  11. Santosh Namby

    August 21, 2016 at 12:41am

    Law and nature as equally responsible I guess… And of course men are always portrayed as self-centred and selfish and women as more sacrificing… Sometimes reality can be very different, men might die for their children and women may prostitute them….

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
    • Author

      Akhila

      August 21, 2016 at 10:25am

      Single parent is difficult..but do you think that single father is more difficult than single mothers

      Permalink  ⋅ Reply
      • kalyansparks

        March 12, 2017 at 9:00pm

        Yes,single parenting for father is more difficult.Because women have those certain qualities which they got from the primitive man.Like patience,love,caring,sensibilities etc.The framework of women’s brain and mans brain are different.Some things can be done easily by certain gender,where as other gender may do but with difficulties.one of the things is parenting.

        Permalink  ⋅ Reply
  12. 2ndhalfolife

    August 21, 2016 at 2:11am

    In this country I think it’s just social history. Many fathers I know that fight to get their kids and would make the better parent, sometimes do, but it’s much dependent on the judge. It can be a coin toss….and totally unfair.

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
    • Author

      Akhila

      August 21, 2016 at 10:24am

      Hmm..it’s unfair when there Fathers who even die for their kids..but do you really think it’s all because of this stereotypical world, the stereotypical laws?

      Permalink  ⋅ Reply
      • 2ndhalfolife

        August 21, 2016 at 6:05pm

        It also may go back to prehistoric times too as I believe much of our current behavior comes from

        Permalink  ⋅ Reply
        • Author

          Akhila

          August 22, 2016 at 10:23am

          true..and we may need to travel miles and miles to have a change in this scenario

          Permalink  ⋅ Reply
  13. Daisy in the Willows

    August 21, 2016 at 2:43pm

    I have no clear answers on this. My first thought is Men don’t get that initial bond that Mothers do with their children. It is a culture thing too. Each story is unique- not all Mothers are willing to put aside their personal feelings when it comes across to their children’s fathers. There are good men out there and lost men. The same can be said for women and all Genders.

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
    • Author

      Akhila

      August 21, 2016 at 2:52pm

      True it is daisy….the perspectives vary…

      Permalink  ⋅ Reply

Leave a Reply