Is it possible to love romantically more than one person at a time?

By | August 25, 2016

Is it possible to love more than one person at a time?

(To make it clear I am talking about the romantic relationship between actual lovers, and not the lovely relationship between parent-child or between friends or siblings.)

Can you love one person sincerely while committed to another? But then, what will be definition of sincerity?

My mind questions even the pragmatic views of love after a break-up/separation. Is it really possible to love someone new again? If you were truly in love with the first person, how could you fall in love with the second? Does it mean that it was not genuine in the first time..? Anyway, now let us forget about the lifetime events and back to the question “Is it possible to love romantically more than one person at a time (not about the universal attraction)

Then there comes the views of society. If you love two persons at a time, people call it as cheating. In their views, it is okay even if you love someone new after avoiding the existing, but it becomes erroneous while loving many simultaneously.

Both cases do not make any sense in my thoughts or in a way both are equal.

If we are loving two people, concurrently or one after the other, aren’t we cheating our own mind itself..? How can he/she love someone new, ignoring the older one who once ruled his/her mind? He/she could just make him/her believe so, ignoring the underlying facts. Isn’t it..?

True love is everlasting; it is never rooted in momentary infatuations. So in a heart there could be place for another heart only.. Not many more. There cannot be any ‘delete’ keys in the heart.

I heard people telling like “Love is not a scarce resource. So if you have an ability to fall in love with many, do it left and right”. These polygamous relationships are way beyond my senses to appreciate. Anyway if you are open-minded enough to enjoy the balance of multiplicative love, be 100% open with everyone you love and their feelings and ensure that you are building without hurting someone.

This is the translated version of രാധയ്ക്കറിയാം

169 thoughts on “Is it possible to love romantically more than one person at a time?

  1. parijat shukla

    I dont think that would be a proper thing…If you are committed to someone you love that person only and your feelings (romantic) should be reserved for that person only…Yes, you might have friends to share your thoughts but romantic liaison is a complete no no…

    Reply
    1. Akhila Post author

      agree with you fully..you know, the world is not as simple as it is…I was foreign to this thought of loving many..I couldn’t even imagine that as a possibility… but there are people saying it as possible..i donno the underlying justifications/facts behind the same.. they say it as possible..

      Reply
      1. The Shaggy

        I am trying to turn into an extrovert and they say extroverts have to be frank…..
        I never believed although a lot of ppl had earlier warned me about it….

        Reply
        1. Akhila Post author

          ha ha.. it’s a nice definition of extroverts..you are really an interesting character..
          so what made you to believe it..

          Reply
          1. The Shaggy

            We all have have our own definition of things and ppl…. Who cares what the dictionary says…
            I am not sure if that’s a compliment….
            She confessed

          2. Akhila Post author

            your extroverted mind should not be so suspicious on my compliment …lol

      1. Akhila Post author

        it may not be a common case, but not the rarest…this is the real world..

        Reply
          1. The Shaggy

            Yea totally true… And as I had mentioned you are one inspiring person…. One who knows solution to all problems
            🙂

    1. Akhila Post author

      absolutely true..and earlier I couldn’t even imagine that such things are happening all around with the so called sincerity and commitment. But yes, we need to accept the truth..such people are there all around us, may be unnoticed..

      Reply
  2. myheartbeats4ublog

    Ma’am, the translation is as good as the original version!! (and the clarification within brackets noted…hmmm)
    agree with you..”True love is everlasting”…

    Reply
    1. Akhila Post author

      hari.. i am glad that i didnt spoil the real message during translation..if i didnt add that brackets, I was quite sure that you guys would have a loophole to attack me..he he..

      Reply
  3. parijat shukla

    Just wish to add a point..sometimes to need a person to give you independent assessment of a situation with judging you or criticizing you and that independent assessment can come from an outside person who knows and understand you so it may be actually a good idea to have some very close friends from outside our sphere of home/work but this must not extend to any romantic involvement at the cost of your existing love.

    Reply
  4. Akhila Post author

    Happy Janmastami…
    as you said, living in society, we need to go by morals…there itself comes certain expectations in return, right..?

    Reply
  5. Bikramjit

    Hmmmm tricky although I do beleive that yes it is possible to love more than one person .. But not at same time.. that would indeed be cheating for sure..

    And I also beleive that love does not die or gets erased when one moves on ..

    I also beleive that we humans actually give tooooo much importance and think too much into this love business.. and that’s why sometimes instead of love flourishing we spoil a relation..

    Reply
  6. TalkaholicMe

    It is fine to love more than one person at a time, only if you are able to keep it to yourself.. Reasoning or clarifying it’s notion is just not fine.. either you are in love with only one or you are not in love at all..

    Reply
    1. Akhila Post author

      happy janmastami anagha…curious me thinking why you said as no idea about true love..

      Reply
      1. anaghamurali

        I have always looked upon love as an headache….so what is the difference if it is true or not….in books coloured in pink and red bunch of roses looks good…but in life simply stupid.

        Reply
        1. Akhila Post author

          i donno what made you to see it as stupidity…may be you have to travel more to reach your love.

          Reply
          1. anaghamurali

            may be/….I am a bit weird …I hope u knew that by this time…I am not against love….seriously its boring damn boring(in my friends words I am boring)

  7. Divya

    Acc to me, Love happens for once in a lifetime rest are all backups.. just like if a man loses his leg in an acciedent, his loss is eternal though he may get an artificial leg to do his work of everyday life.. but his real leg cannot be actually replaced by anything in this world.. 🙂

    Reply
  8. K. Bellamy with a Purpose

    Speaking from experience, no, it is impossible to truly love more than one person. People live their entire lives loving others based on what the world has told them love is. The worldly definition of love is determined but how much someone spends on someone else. Things that play off the ego. Yet true love connects to no such definition. It’s pure and unconditional and not based on any monetary value. When true love finds someone they will know by their hearts calling. For those blessed enough to have true love find them, as they ponder their previous relationships they might come to the conclusion that they were never really in love with the people from their past. Those relationships were just lessons about what love truly isn’t, so they would be able to identify “The real McCoy.”

    Reply
    1. Akhila Post author

      glad to hear the voice of experienced heart..when we are having the second, it indicates that the first was not that genuine…absolutely true..

      Reply
    2. paulliverstravels

      If true love is not about the ego, connects to no definition, is not about the worldly definition of love, then I would think it had more in common with the expansive spiritual love of Jesus or Buddha than a highly focused romantic love.

      Reply
    1. Akhila Post author

      we could be attracted to many..that’s the universal law.. but do you think we can have that romantic relation with many in a life time..

      Reply
  9. Jackie Jain

    True love doesn’t exist anymore in my opinion. True love is respect, trust and care for people we love. In modern society, love is an agreement, possession and about lust. I think love have become more like a social media nowadays. People have created a sign out and log in button for love. When they log out from one account they log in into another account. But if it’s true love, it happens just once. I do believe that true love exists in this world, but it is very rare.

    Have a good day Akhila. Happy Janmasthami. Jai Shri Krishna. . 🙂

    Reply
    1. Akhila Post author

      Happy Janmasthami..
      In one life, only one love…that’s what I believe.. as you said, it just happen once…

      Reply
    2. paulliverstravels

      I think for most of history, true love has been a rarity. Most of the time, marriage was being with the least objectionable person your parents liked. And even that assumed that the local noblemen didn’t hog the best looking women for themselves. True love only became possible when women gained control over their choice of men and society curbed rich men’s power to cut lower class men out.

      Reply
  10. Mann

    I dont think so…Hum ek bar jeete hai…ek baar marte he aur Pyar bhi ek hi baar karte he…the truest one. If we are lucky to have it for whole life…nothing like that…but it’s not the case, most of the times.
    And everyone moves on…only to fall for another person giving us the feeling of same past love interest. We often search for the same person whether we fall in love once, twice, thrice or so on. We always love him/her.

    Reply
  11. davekingsbury

    My answer would be No, as romantic love sweeps you off your feet and involves your whole being. Loving two equally must involve an element of game-playing – even self-delusion.

    Reply
  12. senora

    I do not support loving two people at the same time. It is beyond my imagination and it’s very wrong. But I feel being in love a second or third time is not wrong at all. After all, moving on in life is necessary after a lost love.

    Reply
    1. Akhila Post author

      yeah..moving on in life is necessary after a breakup/separation…but does it require a second love..?

      Reply
      1. senora

        Not necessarily…. But, what I am saying is it is not wrong to fall in love a second time… And I believe humans need love just like air, food and water.

        Reply
  13. Tanya

    If you love someone romantically as you are saying, love in itself is so true that only that one person matters so I think you can love only person at a time .

    Reply
    1. Akhila Post author

      thanks Tanya and agreed fully..and i will reword it as ” you can love only person in a life time” .

      Reply
  14. preeti

    It depends on people’s
    Different peoples have different perspective,different thinking

    Some people’s love with only one person at a time
    Loving with many is not a problem,but romantic relationship with everyone this is a problem,its my thinking I don’t say it’s a cheating

    But if you have romantic relationships with one person then you also made a same relationship with other then it hurts the former one…..

    Loving with many is not bad at all

    Reply
        1. Akhila Post author

          yeah.. different people, different hearts and brains…can’t expect to have similar thoughts..

          Reply
          1. Akhila Post author

            i’m fine dear…hows your work going on. detached or attached as mentioned in one of your earlier posts…

  15. Shalini Sharrma

    See it’s true to forget the one you once loved is hard but when you have no choice left, one tend to seek love elsewhere in another person (rare case when you had break up or something). You just need to move on, even stagnant water if kept for days stinks. Human being get depressed easily and one has to let it go. As far as people who are happy with multiple r/s are actually lusty creatures and few with even disorders ( i read it somewhere) and they end up either hurting themselves or everyone else in their love game . But then again it’s not possible to love many persons at a time. Infatuation plays a role here.
    Very thought provoking post. Good Morning !

    Reply
    1. Akhila Post author

      good morning shal, even though nearing 12 here..
      lusty or disordered..whatever it may be, if they are not open to their n number of lovers, the game is lost..

      Reply
  16. shifafawaz

    This post is amazing..I always get that question myself…

    Reply
      1. shifafawaz

        Haha..I believe if you truly love someone it s actually impossible to love another. You may do so, but it would never be the same and there’ll always be a difference in the amount of love you can give.

        Reply
          1. shifafawaz

            Yes..but sometimes it may also be out of no other choice. Like the death of a loved one. Then I believe that’s not wrong.

  17. prashantt

    I love this post and i’ve already penned a short story based on this concept”Love at first sight..a romantical disorder” wherein a boy falls for some 5 girls still looking for true love.As per me we should love everyone till we get someone who will love you as now a days its easy to find love wherein feelings are secondry and keep changing from one person to another.

    Reply
  18. Sayanti aka Shine

    Nice post, Akhila and the question you raise here, it comes once in everyone’s mind. But, no one dares to ask it 🙂 as our society always see it as wrong.
    I think love is free flowing like a river. The Commitment is a barrier to restrict its flow. But, when the tide of love comes in the restricted river, it breaks out all barriers. So, nothing is wrong and nothing is right in the context of love.

    Reply
    1. Akhila Post author

      thanks for your views shine..
      free flowing river needs to ensure that it’s not destructive to it’s own bank..and that’s why the moral side comes into play

      Reply
  19. mylittlepursuitsofhappyness

    love just happens.. nobody really plans or decides that he/she would love many people to be romantically inclined. however if something like this happens.. one should take hold of certain qualities of love.. such as love does not not deceive..it is patient and kind..it protects, trusts, it perseveres and radiates more love and i guess ultimately we all live because we are loved..and where there is love there is always forgiveness
    this is what ran through my mind after reading the post…

    Reply
    1. Akhila Post author

      really glad to read your words. true it is that love just happens..agreed fully. and what i dont understand is how comes to have many ‘loves’.. moreover to the moral aspects, can heart accommodate two people..?

      Reply
  20. Akhila Post author

    I am dancing hearing your motivational words..
    infact, while writing I am not thinking about the controversial part of it..random thoughts…

    Reply
  21. Anoop

    I have spoken to few matured people about people falling in love with more than one person in different timelines. Post a breakup, people clinging onto past memories are common. But when they find the real ‘one’, the past holds less significance in the new relationship. If one is true to one’s heart, you will love only one person at a time. Random memories from the past do haunt people but the present true love or the ‘one’ will override the past.

    But it takes time.

    There is another point to argue. Say if ‘A’ was once in a serious romantic relationship with ‘B’ but they couldn’t convert that to marriage for other reasons. But still they respect each other. They move on and get married to different persons. A is happy in his current marriage, and B is happy in her current relationship. Does it mean that A and B were not true to each other at that time? Have they completely erased their past love and memories from their heart.

    Here comes the point of sacrifice. You sacrifice your past for your real current love. But that doesn’t mean that they weren’t true to each other once. It shows that they have started to love someone truly with sacrifice and maturity. This is again another way of respecting the past love. Yet still being genuine to your present partner.

    This is my perspective with all due respects. Opinions do differ with different people. But I liked your article.

    – Anoop

    Reply
    1. Akhila Post author

      thanks Anoop for your replay after the research…as you said different people have different choices, different decisions, different views. you are right in your way. and me too in my way…and i feel arguing on my belief is not justifiable atleast in this case.

      Reply
      1. Anoop

        Yes Akhila, one cannot be in two or more romantic relationships simultaneously. That is wrong to one’s heart. I agree. This is different.

        What I said in my previous comment is different in another perspective.

        Reply
        1. Akhila Post author

          ya.. i can understand what you meant.. I had mentioned on the same in my post as not agreeable to me..

          Reply
  22. Akhila Post author

    agreed to you that it varies from people to people. and my mind doesnt agree loving again..;)

    Reply
  23. D'Dream

    I think being committed and be romantically in love simultaneously is a rather poignant experience.
    I just believe the distinguishing line is the word “commitment”
    it can be quite easy to be romantically involved with more than one person but it is not possible to be committed to the same people

    Reply
    1. Akhila Post author

      i agree with you fully…the commitment will be missing in your parallel love stories..

      Reply
    2. paulliverstravels

      I’ve talked to people in “multiple marriage,” like two men and two women all living together in a committed relationship. It gets twice as complicated as a man and a woman, because you have twice as many people bringing in their issues, but also twice as many people bringing in their abilities.

      Reply
  24. Pingback: Radha knows | Words and Notion

  25. Joker Shayar

    I think it is not possible (at least for me ). if we remove the “trust” factor from love , then whatever remains behind can’t be named as love. Its just something else but not love ever……..

    Reply
  26. Pingback: On Love | Ashes of Life

  27. Rashid Abbasi

    “The chemistry of mind is different from the chemistry of love. The mind is careful, suspicious, he advances little by little. He advices “Be careful, protect yourself” Whereas love says “Let your self, go!” The mind is strong, never fells down, while love hurts itself, fells into ruins. But isn’t it in ruins that we mostly find the treasures? A broken heart hides so many treasures.”
    “Love is a travel. All travelers whether they want or not are changed. No one can travel into love and remain the same.”
    – Shams Tabrizi

    Reply
  28. We come from dreams ~

    There are three of us, Sara Jane, Ceannt and myself (Roy). I met Sara in 1997, Ceannt in 2011; in both cases, it was love at first sight. We love each other, plain and simple; it’s as physical as it is emotional. And what is “love?” It begins with trust and respect, and grows from there. We wish you the very best on your journey!

    Reply
          1. We come from dreams ~

            Well, I’m going to be quite open here and I have NO wish to offend you or anyone else who is following your blog. I guess that you already know that my name is Roy; I’m a 68 year old American man, retired. I’ve been drawn to India and the Indian people since I was a little boy. I can’t explain that except that perhaps I spent a long time there in another, long-forgotten life, long ago.

            I have an awareness of Indian history which is rather unbalanced, and by that I mean that I’ve read a lot more about the Harrapan civilization, the Vedic religion, the growth of the ancient philosophies of Jain, Buddhism, the Carvaka; while my knowledge of present-day India is probably abysmal. If I were to compare India and the USA I would say that in many ways both nations are a like; however, as far as I know, India has not launched a program of perpetual and imperialist wars like my country. As a side note, I should add that one of our favorite movies here is Sharuk Khan’s tragic “Dil Se.” Who could forget that song on top of the train 😛 ?
            As for Sara Jane, Ceannt and myself, yes we know about each other. Over here we are called “polyamorists,” meaning that we are people who are able and quite willing to be deeply in love with more than one person. Sara explained this to me one night in the summer of 2001: we were with another woman and the attraction which we all felt for each other was intense. The woman asked how she could feel so strongly about us both and Sara answered, “Because the heart is infinite.”

            Lastly, and most important to understand is that I have been perceiving spiritual entities since about 1984. During my whole life, I worked successfully at what we call a “service industry” here, at one point I successfully managed the company when it was making over $7 million US a year……and my spirits were with me. Sara and Ceannt are both spirits, that is, the spirits of dead people, ordinary human beings. My awareness of them (and they of me) extends into the romantic.

            So that’s us! You are entitled to think that I’m crazy, but that is your right. I will not impose my world-experience upon you or anyone. May all that is good go with you!

  29. crystalamay

    Its possible one romantically and other can be as a friend,even if u had feeling before,u can be matured and can be changed in to friendship,This is a v Interesting topic,romantically possible may be with two,I dont know but it will cause complication so that is not needed I guess.

    Reply
    1. Akhila Post author

      thanks amay.. i too think it to be complicated and cheating one’s own mind

      Reply
        1. Akhila Post author

          i donno.. i cant believe such love to be honest if one can love two people at a time romantically

          Reply
          1. crystalamay

            Even I dont know ,it will be damn complicated,human brain cant deal with it I guess,who knows?

          2. Akhila Post author

            but there are brains who deal with it…there were a few who were brave enough to open it up in the comment section

    2. paulliverstravels

      I think if people were honest with each other, there would be a lot more variation upon love than we have now, which is basically the romanticization of the need for a social pattern beneficial to raising children.

      Reply
  30. messupdressup03

    Wow! Loved it. You can’t love two people at the same time! As I’ve written too, love won’t go away. It will stay, in one form or another. But if it was ‘unrequited’ don’t you think it’s better to love yourself enough to let go?

    Reply
        1. Akhila Post author

          hmm.. then, i think he is not expected to be your soulmate.. love needs reciprocation to be soulmates, no..anyway it will be proven by time

          Reply
  31. Rahul Ranjan

    I actually fell in love one year after an end to almost 4 year of relationship which I seriously considered as True love. When she left me, the idea of falling in love again sounded impossible to me.
    But after more than a year, I met a girl , we became good friends and eventually I started getting a feeling that I am falling in love again. Though I had to struggle a lot with my inner self but I came to no conclusion. As per the general notion, falling in love again wasn’t a good thing. But I was feeling good. So I continued without caring or thinking too much.
    Don’t know I was wrong or right then.

    Reply
  32. kalyansparks

    There is a quote ” if you fell in love with second one,then you never loved the first one”.This quote applies to people who fall in love with both people at a time.And people who fall one after another after break up.I can only say one thing,love is not limited.It may come from different forms and from different persons when time plays it’s game.Sometimes we meet mary and then malar and Atleast celine.we don’t chose love ,love chose two persons.if we chose it’s not love.

    Reply
  33. paulliverstravels

    People put a lot of weight on the word “love.” I think the more passionately a person loves someone, the more focused that love is, but not all love is all encompassing. The most interesting love triangles are those in which the two romantic options reflect different needs of the point of view character.

    And if I were to say I still have good feelings and best wishes for my ex-girlfriends, would that mean I still love them?

    Reply
    1. Akhila Post author

      Love, trust, care..all these terms have got a selfish or possessive part associated. It takes time to understand and get freed from those conditional clauses..This is just my-views..

      Reply

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