From all the signals around me I could decode the reason behind everything happening to me most of the times. It was not at all a theoretical belief, but a data driven one.  And I was secretly proud of that. Shhhhh…

And it forced me to believe that everything happens for a reason. Or in a way I believed in ultimate fairness for all. I thought there is a purpose to everything. I don’t wish to be fooled by randomness or the notion that the universe is governed by probability.

Yes, that’s what Albert Einstein also said: “God does not play dice”

But am I mistaken..? Is the world unfair..? Is there no cause for the effects? How can justice be given to the poor child who was brutally raped and killed? Even if the murderers were tortured and punished in the most barbarian way [hope atleast that to happen soon], can it justify the pain of the tormented the girl?

I cannot understand the purpose behind her pain.. [ yes of course it is understood the purpose behind that brutality….] But why did the poor child have to suffer..?

Should I still believe in that Universal Oneness that binds us all..? Who is holding the one end of that grand design string to cause unfairness to some?

I am not able to understand this… I feel so exhausted.. Her mourns haunts me..

The child was sleeping so peacefully with her hands resting on a pokemon teddy while her grandma had that holy book in her hand.

Can you see some irony there? Both are having their comfort objects in their hands.

Is God the teddy for grown-ups, a source of comfort or a security object?

Both are offering a kind of protective embrace, a reconstruction of faith.  For the kid it’s the teddy while it’s a version of God for adults, making them escape from some unknown fear.

Kids escape from the fear of darkness with a teddy. He assures himself “someone is there with me always”, like God for grown-ups.

I am not quite sure, if I believe in God. Yes, I do pray, go to worship places. Does it all mean that I am a devotee of God?

So far, I didn’t dare to question the existence of God.

Maybe I was confused. If I say something against God, will it cause any trouble in my life? These thoughts haunted me, maybe or may not be .. I am not quite sure.

But it seems, one thing is pretty clear to my confused mind now, i.e. If God is there really, he will never cause any harm to me only because of my question upon him.  If he did, then no more evidence required to prove his absence.

If your prayers came fruitful, why can’t it be just some coincidences?

Earlier my mind was unwilling to shoot like this. But now I am quite sure that he can only help me to prove his existence and won’t do any harm on me, if he is the real Hero.

Why he resides only in worship places, why do we need to struggle to meet him, may be even after a long queue?

Does he need to be satisfied with all these pujas and prayers to open his eyes..?

Does God really want you to go to these worship places to meet him?

Oh God, please help me to have an answer.. Yes, I am also calling him..

I am neither an atheist, nor a blind lover of science.

I feel like, “

God is a state of mind, soothing oneself.

Step back from the people who are trying to market this state of mind, selling Gods.

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Excuse me and look at me

You can see yourself in my eyes

You can’t be you without me in you

You know that much better

You know that I know the same

You are playing to be unaware

We are one, one for endless time

Bonded by God, blessed with selfless love

No matter what occurs in our days

Our hearts will beat as one forever

I used to have a list of concerns to discuss with God during my pray time. But nowadays I feel a kind of blankness.. Nothing to pray. Am I becoming a sage? Hmm .. No chance. 🙂

I guess this state may be for a few days only, as I’m experiencing this not for the first time. It may not last much. (I may soon open my complaint box 😉 , I guess)

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But this time a bit different. A total emptiness…

Is there something like I need to pray ‘this’ much time, ‘this’ much louder so that he will answer to my queries..? I don’t think so.

If God can understand everything why do I need to talk to him about my worries, happiness and all..? If he knows me, he must know my feelings too.

I believe that God resides in one’s own heart. So I doubt why should I pray.. Or rather what should I pray?

One thing is for sure that sitting in front of God makes me relaxed during my pray time. But nowadays I sit asking the same question “what should I pray?”

And finally I am not all an atheist and I believe in God fully, so I am simply continuing with my devotional songs…

Have you experienced this kind of feeling before? I would like to hear from you.