People come and leave our life while some are glued to our hearts. It’s easy to be among strangers as there is no obligations, no demands, no expectations etc etc [Read about “The comfort while being with strangers“]. But when it’s about the glued ones, there is some sort of happiness and at the same time some sort of nervousness too.

What’s that nervousness with them..?

Is it the worries about sustaining the relationship? But does it really matter if they really understand you? Is there any extra effort required to sustain the relationship if there exists a healthy relationship?

No… so what’s that cause of uneasiness or nervousness..?

Is it fear of losing them..? Possible.. You don’t want to miss them as they have become a part of your life and it would be painful if lost them.. Oh.. So isn’t it a selfish thought?.. Like you don’t want to make yourself worried, so you want them to be with you.. hmm…

If you don’t think it to be selfishness, is there any other cause for that uneasiness?

Is it like you have to keep an image with them? ..Say like you are of the type “What others think?”

Okay, if still you think that none of the reasons matches that uneasiness, what else it could be..?

Is it like you love them, care them and trust them, but still feel lonely with them? Like they are not being there for you emotionally. You feel rejected while you were starving for their attention. You are supported neither in your highest good nor in your bad.

Is it like you are never on the same page? So while trying to be on the same page, folds and cuts appear in the page. Those marks remain forever while trying to make yourself fit in to that page, making you uncomfortable.

Is it due to the absence of comfort zone you have with them? You are not free enough to be frank in front of them or you think they don’t let you get inside their zone.

Or is it the sense of wanting to belong as posted here ? When the possessiveness comes in to picture one cannot live without expectations. You worry about the unattended emotions. You are bothered on the lack of acknowledgements.

If you could compromise all these for the sake of peace, well obviously it would be easy to maintain a relationship. But will it be an intimate one then?

So ultimately it makes one to ponder that

You need to work hard at a relationship. So there is no need of feeling down if people say ‘you are in a bad choice’ seeing you working hard.

Ultimately it’s your life and your choice. No one else is responsible for the same. Do whatever makes you happy and positive. And own whatever you do.

Thinking aloud why it should be treated as a big problem after all? Just ….

People are variables like an x or y term in mathematics. Its nature can vary and take any value as time passes.

In my life almost everyone was trustworthy for me. I didn’t untrust anyone or I didn’t think much of my trust being broken by them. I was so relaxed that the world was so gorgeous for me.

Now, looking back I know I was in an illusionary world.

Maybe I am a little more grown up now. And hence while accepting the bitter truth that ‘not all are trustworthy’, the stress and strain also raises up…How ironical it is..

Is it like when we grew older, the worries of trust being broken also grows?

But one thing is quite sure;

If my trust has been betrayed once, no second chance would be given.

How many people can you trust completely?

Just pause for a moment and give a thought…is your answer cheering or depressing?

I donno why most of the time, people super glues their lips together as if opening their mouth to enquire something is injurious to health and arrive at their own conclusions and cast aspersions on others. And neither will they alter their viewpoints nor try to understand the realities. Mostly it all results from some senseless miscalculations.

Why can’t they just ask instead of simply deducting their own inferences?

Never can they read the language of the painful heart attacked by their poisonous smears.

How long to wait for the dust of misunderstandings to settle down? Worrying is normal as it’s encoded in our DNA and we all do the same at some points in life.

But its better if we can set aside a scheduled worry period in a day and push all the worries interrupting your path to the planned time. I am not joking, it really works out actually. That’s in a way we are controlling the worries by postponing it and as time is the best healer, the intensity of the worries would definitely be reduced when we take it at a later time.

Yesterday while reading a book by Madhavikkutti, I came across this “Nothing is perpetual, neither the grief nor the loneliness. So why should I worry on these transient things?”

She is right, it’s always better not to wait for the dust of misunderstandings to settle down. Let it on its own when it wants as nothing can last forever.

Stop holding on as everything is transient.  When the venomous spear of worries attempts to break you down, just ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen? 

I know there are times where in letting go of is never easy. But everything happens for a reason…

“Ma’am don’t worry, I can do everything for you. You please Waite here. I will be back in ten minutes. I don’t want you to run behind all those files. It’s my job  to ensure your satisfaction. So in the mean time please relax and have a cup of coffee, I will be back soon”

In her mind: “hmm… too good to trust”

She says “You can’t go away from me”.

She is not challenging you.

Instead it is her trust that you won’t try to go away from her.

She was very worried and angry at him yesterday. But she was afraid to question him. She doubted if his ego got hurt on her questioning, it might force him to be away from her.

She wished if he asked about her worries. But nothing happened and his nature forced her to take a back foot.

But she just forgets everything when he touches her. Then she just prefers to be hugged. Even if she may be angry or worried, she just can’t tolerate himself being away from her.

She is not pretending to be happy when he hugs her. But naturally her worries got buried. And hence during those moments, she is afraid to question him on his actions which made her worried.

So her heart plays a game to keep herself alive. On one side it cries for his care & love and on the other side it just excuses/justifies him whenever it’s hurt.

But can her heart play this game always…?

Nooo..

She trusts him blindly and he is the center of her belief. Her heart won’t be alive at all to forgive him, if he has betrayed her love and trust.

So definitely her heart won’t play that game if her belief is lost. She will never give a second chance in such a case. Her trust is almost impossible to earn back. Once lost, it is really lost forever. And she will never regret on losing such a person who didn’t a respect the bonds of love and trust.

And of course trust is not gender specific. I was just trying to portrait the tenderness as well as stubbornness of her behaviour.

Do you mind to check Female Behaviour-1

indeedLosing days unknowingly, unwillingly

Won’t return ever, not realizing ever

Lost is lost forever.

Again blossoms, but the new days

New moments, new enjoyments

But lost is lost forever.

Trying to soothe, but scared of blooms

The smiling lips but crying unseen

As frozen moments ahead.

Even in the blossoms, an awful silence

Piercing heart and shrinking nights

But the unspoken love

Bouquets the care of love, untold

Trusting, it’s there all around

Indeed, it’s there……