Kids are not just kids to be disrespected

By | February 10, 2019

I was waiting for the bus to come. It was a junction and I saw a lady with a child coming towards the bus stop. The lady was in a hurry that the kid was literally running to be with her. He too was shouting as being a kind of dragged by his mother’s hands . A couple of times he lost his balance and was about to fall. The smooth muscles of his too young vocal chords were vibrating and producing harsh sounds to attack his mom too. And on the way there was a small crowd in the footpath and she has to pass through them to reach the junction. In her hurry, she just hit another lady. Before the other lady could say something, the mom was nice enough to offer a “sorry” which made the other one open her lips to give an ironic smile. In a short while they reached the junction and I heard the child asking the mom “You are good enough to tell a sorry to the stranger, but how many sorrys you have missed to tell me?”

Sometimes (or most of the times) kids are the best eye openers for the elders, but only when you have a less egoistic mind to see that.

Often the parents world has a tendency to treat kids in a disrespectful manner,thinking they are just kids or assuming the children are their possessions. And it won’t limit their too, the biggest advices are poured even at the smallest babies and that too with a label, “I am saying for your good only”. I am not judging the whole parents ( which include myself too) or projecting myself to be an expert parent ( I too have made this “sorry” mistake until I realized it). But just emphasizing that nothing should be taken for granted, not even your own kids. They are also human to be treated equally and respectfully. 

Another point which my son regularly complains is regarding the elderly interruptions while he talks. I know I would be the major interruption in his list. And yes I know I am his major listener too even though his ego won’t be ready to accept my claim publicly. 

Kids are kids, it doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be respected.  There is no wall placed in their age, mentioning “after crossing this wall only we need to be respected”. They are not anyone’s materialistic possessions or any private properties. 

If I can show the babe, how to be polite, why do I need to insist that always. “Live by example”. That would be a better strategy than imposing controls. Or can you actually remember an instance where in your child genuinely obeyed your orders and stopped repeating  the misbehavior. None of us actually like to be controlled. If so how can we expect the impulse driven nerves of the kids to be inline with the elderly controls? It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t guide them on seeing a misbehavior. Or everything should be permitted on their demands. Just don’t underestimate that they are just kids.

If you hurt the child (of course won’t be intentionally), say sorry as we do with elders. And obviously never tell a sorry, if you don’t mean it really . No point in saying a sorry just for the sake of it. Talk to your kids and listen to them in the way as we do with elders. They do share the same world where we live. It doesn’t mean from tomorrow onwards, talking to them in the adult language and finally blaming me for all these stupidities. 

We are used to many social conditionings so as kids. For them the conditioning mainly happens from what they sees or hears around at their younger stage. It’s actually unavoidable. And it would be too late by the time the grown up child realizes the impacts of this brain programmings.  The babe realize what’s worth and what’s not worth by watching the world around them. So if you think “it” to be unworth, avoid stay with “it” or else your child is going to be with “it” very soon. 

I don’t go behind any confirmation biases like, if I do this I am a good parent. If I do that I am a bad parent, likewise. But I really want to care for the feelings of growing baby generations and treat them as humans. It doesn’t mean always we need to accept their views, but just need to keep in mind that “Each and every child deserves to be respected and treated as human”

Pic : Google

What if I die at this moment?

By | January 30, 2019

“Live in the moment” – Often heard a lot. And definitely it’s an important concept as it is the only way to enjoy life to the fullest.

So while living in this moment, what if I die at this moment?

There is no certainty for a tomorrow.

“I am dead” – “I” was present a few moments back. But now the existence has gone to the past. What about the family..? Obviously the grief of the family is going to be million times worse than one imagined. Completely blank and surrounded by total chaos…

Now take a deep breath as I have to tell you something intense,

“Plan for your death”

Many are afraid to think about one’s own death. Maybe scared if the thoughts come true actually.

It won’t result in any disaster if you get organized for your own death in advance. So that not much of our personal affairs would be left unattended even if death arrives all of a sudden.

So think, “what if I die at this moment?”

Everything you owned have no privacy once you are dead. All your secrets are going to be handled by someone else. If the conscious mind is still awake even after your death (who knows), how do you want your affairs to be handled?

It would be a hell for your loved ones to be present in the world where you are not around and damn tough to have any mindfulness when the thoughts are overwhelmed by worries about past events. So won’t it make them a little stress free if the stuffs were kept in order before dying? You can make things a little easier for your family if your life is organized enough with plans and strategies for supporting them at the time of your nonexistence.

Finally and most importantly nothing is taken for granted. Sense what’s really valuable and what’s not. Time rolls quickly. We think that we have time and there will be another chance to appreciate the love, the time, the care and so on,. But just think ‘If today were the last day of my life and I have no other choice than to leave this mortal world, am I ready to exit the game board with less chaos left behind?’

So make less cleanup effort for the family when you are not around by being organized and value whatever you have now because ‘that missed moment’ may never happen again in future.

Steve Jobs : “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I’m about to do today. I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.”

How to deal with “You’ve changed a lot”

By | January 30, 2019

“You have changed a lot”

“Yes, I have changed, because I am growing. I am sorry if you are still in same station.”

Every body continues in its state of rest, or of uniform motion in a right line, unless it is compelled to change that state by forces impressed upon it.

Newton’s laws of motion cannot go wrong atleast till it is proven to be not right

In life the forces are just your experiences which push you progress. And if no experiences, you are not living the life. So even though state of rest is a comfortable position for everyone, it won’t make you adaptable to the changing world.

So whenever someone say “You have changed a lot, you have forgotten all our good old nostalgic moments…this is not the guy whom I know long back”, just be happy that you have stopped living in their way, least predictable for them, of course the reason behind their upset while dealing with you. When the cocoons of comfort get broken, people are afraid to approach you. So they resist changes in you as they don’t want you to be seen as a different person.

Change is always expensive either in terms of effort or time or money or comfort.

The brain prefers to have familiar things or people to avoid unnecessary efforts over changes. It expects every life situation to be familiar as it is programmed to avoid the discomforts or uncertainties.  After all isn’t it tedious to improve our own thinking to accept and appreciate the changes in others.. Ah! [sarcasm intended]

It is not easy to accept changes. The very concept of “New” is not normally a catching one. Human have an inherent bias towards the conventional living. And hence it takes time for him even just to have peep over the “New”.  Like a 3 years old shy baby jumps on his mom’s hands and watches the guest over her shoulders, we have an inborn tendency to hesitantly observe the “New”. Sometimes not even before watching, adamantly walk away from that and more over raise voice against it very offensively.

Infact life without change will be very monotonous. But still people are reluctant to accept changes as always there is some sort of chaos or discomfort associated with a change. Not everyone fears to change, but a good majority of them preserve traditions, prefer to be standstill and watch suspiciously those who are changing.

The moment you question elders, people say you have changed a lot, you are antagonists etc.  It is just that they are afraid of losing their control over you. Or sometimes their stereotypic minds cannot accept your innovative thoughts.

There are naysayers who comment on your change. They should have said it based on their insecurity feeling or jealousy [maybe they don’t want you to be as popular as Sachin] or low wisdom or to prove something or just for offence or just to let you down so that their survival chances are increased. [May be he is Darwin fan, who follows “survival of the fittest”]

“We see the world, not as it is, but as we are: Stephen R. Covey

We grew up with certain norms and perceptual filters. We perceive the world in the way we just sees it, applying our own confirmation biases. We conveniently believe that our perceptions are right and all others are rubbish. If we could only wear his or her shoe and observe the situation we can understand the perspective differences. We will stop judging them if we could feel how they experience the situation. Infact judgement is one way of our thinking. We cannt completely get rid of that and no need of that too if we have sole base for our thoughts.  The problem with judgement arises when it is done just to satisfy our ego forgetting the actual facts, a stereotypical judgement.

So don’t be afraid to judge freely as long as you know how and when to do it. And it is equally important to get over the fear of being judged as well. Let them say, you have changed. Take it as key for introspection. Anyways you can’t please everyone. Your own energy is wasted while being a too nice boy or a nice girl.

Actually, you may not be changing the core attitude, but learning how to deal with something in a different way. So you can even tell them, “I haven’t changed, just grew up or you never knew me before.”  As long as you feel ‘the changed you’ to be a better version, take their comment as a complement.

Ignore the naysayers as changing is a part of growing up. Tell them “The world itself has got increasing entropy [randomness]. It cannot have things stagnant or constant for long run. If so why you should expect an unchanged behavior from me?”

The more experiences you get in life the wiser you become actually. So live in the moment without compromising self compassion. Definitely, todays rights need not be a better option for tomorrow as the world itself is changing and releasing many unknowns. So have a little room for flexibility too for tomorrow.

So tell me, how are you gonna respond on hearing “You have changed a lot man”.

It was my friend Josh [ blogs at CHAI & BISCUITS] who asked me to write on this while responding to my post on “I just don’t have enough time” – A big white lie. Thanks Jo.

Pic : Google 

Waves of notion #110

By | January 16, 2019

‘Good or bad, Right or wrong, Important or Unimportant’

Stop all these discrimination. Just get involved how big or small it is and own your choice

The black hole of emptiness

By | January 12, 2019

Something was deeply torn inside her

By an intense feeling of emptiness

Eyes were brimming with tears

With the least sparks for life

Even so she bottled up emotions

While falling into a dark black hole

Where time has got frozen forever,

And emptiness has taken over.

 

She reached at the core in a little while

And soon the tears came flowing

Before she could stop them

Forming an unending streamlet,

Completely Liberating her from

This soul wrenching emptiness

And finally finding a way in

To the ultimate serenity.

 

But why did you let in the silence to break my heart?

By | January 4, 2019

I love you with all my heart and

I am dying to express my love liberally

As I fear it may be too much for you

Let it be hidden in my crushed heart

And I am not letting it flow naturally

It’s not that I don’t want you, but I don’t

Want you to make me unwanted further

As you already let in the silence to break my heart

Pic : Google 

Life is overwhelming me

By | January 3, 2019

Life is overwhelming me

By a sense of not belonging.

I feel cut off from my craving

Thru an icy blow of detachment

I am burning out bit by bit while

Being away from my craving as

That craving was a mindful choice

Which became an obsession naively

 

Pic : Google

What’s up?

By | January 2, 2019

Sometimes I get stuck seeing a “what’s up” message in the middle of a chat..the talk would be going on well and then receives this ” what’s up then”. I donno what to respond at that moment. I hate formalities between friends. So I think twice what to respond for a “what’s up” message in the middle of a chat. Sometimes I am forced to quit the conversation if I can’t just open my heart all of a sudden or even can’t lie to the other person. Have you ever experienced this? Maybe I am reading between the lines and finding some sort of formalities in the conservation which drives me to step away. My instincts never fooled me while absorbing the tone of the verbal chats.

It doesn’t mean that I hate what’s up or how are you messages. Only that I could feel if it’s just a formal message or not. I could feel if it’s a lie or if someone is faking themselves.

And having said all these, I feel much connected on receiving a “what’s up” or “how are you Akhila? ” message even if it’s a one liner. The thought that they remembered me is good enough to satisfy my ego. Even if it’s just a one liner I am touched sincerely.

So here’s a message from the bottom of my heart for everyone who reads this “Are you happy now? Have you recognized who you are actually, not who you wish to be? “

Waves of notion #109

By | January 1, 2019

Decide upon first, forget the bottlenecks during decision making. Once decided, solutions will fall in the track.

If you treat hurdles first and goals second, you will never reach your target. Focus on the target, not the hurdles as you can Overcome the hurdles, you are strong enough.

Self compassion

By | December 29, 2018

It was a miss of communication from the other side. And it was good enough to induce my negative hormones for a few seconds as the miss made me lonely. So kept myself distracted for sometime to make the self calm and then looked back. Then the self told me , “Someone forgot to update you. They didnt do what they have to and you are worrying on that.
For some other’s fault why should you be depressed? Moreover whats fault, what’s not fault..the answer lies in one’s expectations and emotional bonds. So lesser the expectations and lesser the attachments, happier the life appears.”