Be emotionally intelligent

By | March 9, 2019

Have you ever felt a soul crushing tension while entering into some room, even maybe within your own home?

Could be due to someone’s presence or even absence.. And it hurts a lot when the reason for your discomfort becomes the person with whom you want to be most comfortable.

Have you ever thought, “Why was she/he so mean? How could she/he spray such toxic words at me..?

When one is at the epitome of emotions, words spill out so badly that can even bring in a third world war at the otherwise peaceful home.

And at some point you might start justifying them even if they crushed your heart. You try to make yourself at ease with their emotions; otherwise further life would be tough.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand your own emotions and those of others as well.

While being in colleges, I remember taking IQ tests. It was fun. Now I could see many where projecting EQ tests. I donno if there is any standard measurements for the same. But one thing is for sure, “to enhance the morality and creativity at the same time, Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) is a must along with academic learning”

IQ is about a person’s academic intelligence, while EQ tells the emotional intelligence

You may be winning the series out of your IQ. If that’s all what matters you, forget about not offering a helping hand to the fallen contestant. Be happy with your excellent skills in science and maths or whatsoever and don’t worry if you forget to learn the essential skills of living. (Sarcasm intended)

Some where I read about the push and pull happening between those who think SEL is needed and those who want schools to focus only on academics. But with the increasing weight of school bags, will there be a slot for another learning? Obviously ‘where to fit in SEL while already packed with current syllabus’, would be a giant problem infront of schools if SEL gets mandatory. The thing is, there needs to have balance between the two.. Why these kids should be fed with vast variety of information even at their younger stage in the form of books..?

At the start, Let them find themselves, let them be aware of their emotions as well as ambitions, let them be self driven, let them be empathetical, the rest would follow. Isn’t what is needed essentially to go further coping with life’s curveballs and pursue their dreams?

Yeah, nothing is impossible and one must me ready to say no to limits. But can ‘feeding all information to these little brains’ help this? Wont it actually do adverse effects while there is no platform for them to understand their interests and emotions? In fact learning gets monotonous for these little brains as their emotions are least cared.

While running behind high academic scores, developing emotional intelligence is easily forgotten. Emotional self regulation is an important component in emotional intelligence.

It’s nothing but the control over one’s own emotions.  Controlling doesn’t mean suppressing your emotions and finally becoming a victim of self criticisms. It’s much beyond that. It’s about the self awareness while feeling or expressing your emotions.  Yes, you must satisfy your ego too while having compassion towards others. After all if you can’t feel for yourself, how can you empathize for others?

Emotional intelligence invokes a change in your thought process if the present thoughts can’t solve your problem. Changing is a part of growing up as I mentioned in my post How to deal with “You’ve changed a lot”. In addition it keeps you aware of your emotions and makes you express the feelings with that “awareness”.

I am not an impulse driven person, of course I do have emotions (infact at a higher rate), but I do have an inner voice too which have a better control over the emotions. (Still sometimes, that control is too much in fact. I wish if I could be a little expressive over my excitements as well as depressions.. Ah! Maybe I am lacking that emotional literacy to put words to my emotions. But as far as I am not acting out on those feelings, safe upto some extent.. There is something more to say on this, but later..)

You cannot develop emotional intelligence if driven completely though a virtual world. Artificial intelligence and deep learning can’t take you to the heights of emotional intelligence (maybe if that ever happens, you can even think about marrying a robotic man or a girl). Nature and nurture takes a role in developing emotional intelligence. Of course, nurturing takes start at home itself. So be with your child without dismissing their emotions and make them equipped to solve it. Let them grow with emotional literacy too.

Even todays employers are conducting EQ tests. So there is one more clear reason to nurture emotional intelligence.

And it’s proven by many researches that investing your time on social-emotional learning is actually worthy as it takes you further in academics. Daniel Goleman  is the standard name behind emotional intelligence. He is a journalist and author of the book Emotional Intelligence EI gained popularity with this book and Goleman’s EQ movements. Many schools are now trying to implement this.

In short, Emotional intelligence is about the ability to look within as well as to be present in the world around you. Obviously mindfulness practices will aid in nurturing emotional intelligence.

15 thoughts on “Be emotionally intelligent

  1. Sha'Tara

    I used to call it road rage… but then it didn’t usually happen when entering a room… 🙂

    1. Akhila Post author

      So far I haven’t attempted as I don’t understand how it could be measured . after all it’s a bit subjective thing

          1. Akhila Post author

            Not companies.. if any reliable IQ tests in your knowledge?

          2. Akhila Post author

            Yeah.. there are many.. but reliable or not?.. not sure

          3. Akhila Post author

            Hahaha… that’s right… when we pass it or go through well, of course it’s trust worthy
            Between, since you mentioned that companies conducting EQ tests there, I would like to have some helps in those lines as I am doing a research on emotional intelligence….can I mail you?

  2. Goat2bdazee

    Yes, it’s easy to look at others as being toxic when we also need to decide where or if we need to make an adjustment in our own thinking, feeling or manner of acting.

  3. Pingback: Learn from Children- They notice what adults miss - Words and Notion

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