Amma (mom), What’s for lunch today?
Rice with Pulissery (an authentic Kerala recipe made with buttermilk and cucumber), banana stir fry and roasted chicken
Baby, I’m on fasting today, you can have my chicken pieces too
Thanks Amma, but even otherwise you don’t take more than two pieces
Oh, oh, you are noticing me
and then the naughty champ makes sound as if he didn’t actually care me..
Kids notice everything
When my little one told this, I felt so happy.
Well, it is not a matter of whether two chicken pieces or 20 pieces,
Rather it was more about the two little eyes having an attention on me.
Children do pay attention to what adult misses.
It really matters to all of us, when we are being cared. Yeah, I am not forgetting that myself used to say, being clingy is an unattractive trait. But I believe, this comforting while being unexpectedly cared is perfectly humane. Isn’t it?
And yes, kids notice everything. And this little hero always has a good rapport with me, that he clearly knows what can make me on or off. And I really respect him a lot for that.
Don’t yell at kids, they must be respected
I’m not usually that yelling type or impulse driven type. But sometimes this little one tries his level best to irritate me and make me shout. And as always I fall in his trap and later our fight ends with his statement “mission accomplished”!!. Or “Amma, please stop yelling”..
Anyways that temper mood wont last long, sooner the amma and son catch up with the chill moments. Even then, I feel it really really bad after every fun fights. Literally I feel guilty for losing my temper.
In fact with him I was taking that freedom to yell at. Probably with him only. I know, this is not a justifiable excuse for the yelling I do with him. But I was just trying to analyse the situation through a mother’s eye who has not so bad suppressing emotions skill the rest of the times.
Of course I do have emotions (infact at a higher rate). But I do have a good command over my emotions too. And sometimes, that control is too much in fact. So actually there are times I wish if I could be a little more expressive over my excitements as well as depressions. Ah! Maybe I am lacking that emotional literacy to put words to my emotions. Read more about emotional intelligence here, Be emotionally intelligent
So with this little one, probably I was trying to be expressive. But yes,
Nothing should be taken for granted, not even our own kids. After all they are not anyone’s possessions or properties. They are also human to be treated equally and respectfully. There is no wall placed in their age, mentioning “after crossing this wall only we need to be respected”.
(Read more Kids are not just kids to be disrespected)
Granting your undistracted time to Kids
He loves me hearing telling stories at bedtime
Let me boast a little now – I am so good at weaving all those stupid and weird stories, connecting from here to there and reaching at some fantasies or some extreme ironies, really !!
And we laugh a lot together during all such story times.
But sometimes, when I’m too busy or after a hectic schedule, my immediate response to his awaiting ears would be “I can’t” even though myself being aware how relaxed I get after my own crazy story weaving times with him.
Though mostly I go with his demands, as said there are times going beyond my control and the stubborn-me just keep quiet and he somehow accepts it also after a few more of his failed attempts. Probably he realizes that unless I’m so tired, I wouldnt deny his requests.
Yep, there also he was noticing me, he was paying attention to my state of mind, but what did I do..?
I start criticizing myself, “was there something that much exhausting for me to prevent my story designs”?. I start feeling it painful. Probably he wont be much caring that, but still it’s good enough to make me feel guilty.
So I keep on telling myself
“No matter how busy or tired you are, you can do a little bit more with your kids”.
I believe I’m and you are giving them un-distracted time and care. Still a gentle reminder !!
And yes, having said all these, lemme emphasize the other side too.
If there is something which the children can do by themselves, something which they can help by themselves, during such situations, dont help them fix it. Instead stand with them, assure them that you are there and get it done by themselves. Let them be self dependent!!
Live by Example
And most importantly, we shouldn’t forget that kids are the first victims of social conditioning. They are observing us, learning from us (in addition to what we impose on them) and so who else to be blamed if they end up as greatest dis-respecters tomorrow. “Live by example”. That would be a better strategy than imposing controls or yelling at them.
All those things which the adults bigger world ignore would come under the notice of this smaller generation. They do notice everything and it will always imply something to them. They learn a lot by observing. It’s high time for the adults to learn from them too. Also treat them with respect, let them reciprocate in a better way!!
So finally a word to the self
“If I can show the babe how to be polite, why do I need to insist that always !!”