She imagined herself to be a bold controller of her emotions. But she could never get used to that sudden rush of pain from past. They hit her while while writing, while cooking, while googling, while working and what not.
Even while laughing, a part of her mind was lost in the past while the other part was struggling hard to make her alive in the moment. Yet, she hasn’t won over the battle between past and present.
She appeared to be collapsing any time. Maybe the past is checking how much pain she can withhold before tears starts bleeding from a frozen present heart.
But she is so good at bearing even when those unthinkables are breaking her into pieces and pieces.
No matter what, she can not give in as her tenderness is still a soft dew on many dry hearts. She still holds a degree with 100% pain tolerance, without letting anyone know. But she can only know what she feels!
While getting through bad memories.
sometimes she skips the thoughts,
acting indifferent to ill feels
though sometimes bends before them,
washing them away under the shower,
hoping ‘maybe one day what seems
unthinkable might become thinkable’