Comfort is not my topmost priority. But priority and comfort make my way.
ഒരു കവിതാസംഗ്രഹം, “ഹിമകണം”
ഒരു കവിതാസംഗ്രഹം,
“ഹിമകണം”
Letting go
Part of the mind hums like a bouncing busy bee
Without letting in silence to break the emotive heart
Which is afraid to sit with the unsettling thoughts
While repressed emotions eat her from top to heal.
It was a bloodcurdling night which changed
The breathes of many in a flash of time
The ticks of that endless night is peeking
From every nook and corner of her mind
She replayed the past over and over again
Viewed all as in a black and white screen
It was impossible to let it go as she was
Being dragged to the throbbing hub of past
She assumed it to be a nightmare while
Aware that it was all real and upsetting
She didn’t try to end the tears sloping
Over her cheeks, cried her heart out
Which was holding on for long
Tried to be open to all her feelings
Didn’t hold them back and at the end
She closed her eyes, taking deep breaths
Wiped the tears, stood up and told herself
“Life is never assured and it’s just random
It has to move on whatever comes across.”
She started to accept what had happened
But still with a knot in the stomach
Which is growing day by day
She is alive in a coffin, trying hard
To learn the art of letting go, then again
Nervy in the divine Temple of acceptance
Waves
When I learnt that ‘Letting go’ is the toughest moral to exercise, I could only cry it out
And now the conscious self hums “It’s high time to learn the art of non-attachment even up to the subconscious level.”
Pic :Google
Free yourself from the pressure of craving to be noticed
It’s quite a human nature to seek for attention and care. But when you play the worst drama for catching the excessive amount of attention, you fall into that category of irksome attention seeking type. When the drama is evident, my don’t care attitude towards the dramatists would become quickly prominent and ultimately it ends up in making myself labelled as the unsympathetic or heartless one. I just can’t afford such plays lacking straightforwardness. Infact recently I read somewhere that this planned ignoring is the best silent treatment for such irksome attention seekers.
When people are really immersed in their feelings, they won’t be even thinking about world around them or won’t bother if they are noticed or not. Of course they deserve your true attention and care which helps them recover. But there are people who cry and then peek into the world through the corner of their eye balls just to confirm they are being noticed. They just cook up things for attention. Is it any syndrome – the needing to be noticed?
Having said all these, I know we all are upto some extent, attention seekers. But neither seeking the attention of entire world nor playing the worst drama to show off. So as long it is balanced, it’s okay. There is nothing wrong in expressing oneself freely or asking for support directly when required. That’s a genuine demand.
But the pressure starts to develop within oneself when the craving for attention increases its level. Actually what I feel is the pressure of needing to be noticed always stress you. It is the self, most of the times trying to put pressure on you when you miss an applause in your office while your friend’s loud voice takes away all of that.
Ask your self “ Do I always need an eye to watch and ear to listen or a mouth to speak for me? Don’t I have my own authentic senses”?
If you have a real worth, you don’t have it to show it off. And if you show it off, you don’t have any worth.
Nobody is interested in the nano things in your life. Nobody is there watching us 24 hours in a day. But still can’t wait for checking if Facebook post is liked by someone. This device specific obsession also arises from the same “needing to be noticed mania” or in a way deep rooted in any insecurity problems or lack of self-esteem.
Always keep in mind that “Your validation point is not with anyone else, it’s in your own hands”.
Go in your way as long as you feel it to be right without any show offs [after all right and wrong are just some perceptions only!].
Image: Google
How to come back to the easy going life?
Once upon a time there lived a cheerful little dandelion, a white puffy ball. Blown off in the gentle breeze it was moving with the cluster of furry parachutes. It was so calm and heart-warming for any souls on its path… it had no worries, no static whereabouts, and no strings of attachments.
Every soul murmured and wished for good luck when it came across.
It was quite naturally perceiving and responding to the world in the most tangible manner.
Never had it to put any sweat on his easy mode of living.
Never was it bothered about its senses because they were perceiving things in the right way or it didn’t even bother of being right or wrong.
Never was it philosophical to remind itself about “this too shall pass on” during hard times. But the moments just passed on.
It was not the gentle wind carrying it, but itself was making the wind blow in its ways. It just ignored whatever was thrown at it. It was always free from the pressure of being noticed.
On a day it started to sweat, lost its easy going nature for some reasons. The pressure started from that moment.
Started to bother what others think.
Started to think of being famous and noticed.
Started to have ups and down of emotional strings.
Started to worry upon what does and what does not matter.
Started to imagine being ‘‘too sophisticated” to be working and thinking a certain way.
Life got harder and harder with this. It had to put extra effort to reach the “highs”.
And at a stage, it felt the pain of breaking feathers. The pain was pricking enough for a whole catharsis. And finally it could maintain an emotional equanimity. It started to ask itself “Does all these really matters while life is too short and no one owns anything?”
At this moment it thought about the difference happened in his path. Initially it was easy going, later undertaken by pressure of so many life stuffs and finally a moment of catharsis after knowing these all.
Now the dandelion wish to be that easy going type again without any bothering.. But can it be? Because now it is aware of all these hard mind games.. So can it go back to that easy going type after knowing all these..?
Infact effort to become an easy going actually prevents you from becoming an easy going. Isn’t?
A monk asked Joshu (the Zen master): If I make efforts to become a Buddha, what then?
Joshu: You have taken quite a task on yourself, haven’t you?
The monk: And if I make no such effort?
Joshu: Then you are already a Buddha.
Aren’t all these a little bit weird..? Once it didn’t know anything and so was that easy going type. Now after fighting against all those mind traps, it feels blessed and content. But now it has become actually tough to go with the flow and be that easy going type again. Little bit ironical..
As the dandelion flower says, rise above the life’s challenges and never give up. Don’t be an escapist while being carefree.
- Just be fine with uncertainty and enjoy the thrill of uncertainty.
- Just be authentic and kind to the self. The rest will follow.
That’s a better way to be carefree and easy going.
Pic : Google
Paying attention to the minute details of your daily life
Are you paying attention to attend the minute details of your life?
Eyes help us to see this beautiful world around us. But do we really observe whatever we see?
No.. Actually we have a programmed observation. We see the landmarks, but rarely an underlying small stone. Society has a habit of stepping in and telling us what’s ‘significant’ which make us notice the ‘landmarks’. But having an eye on the minute details is never easy; it requires constant practice and alertness.
[By the way if you are observing a pretty woman, don’t stare too much without ensuring a social grace of giving space. Or else simply wait for the consequences.]
Sometimes, our routine causes ignorance. Things get unnoticed when they are part of our routine. Do you remember if there are markings on your watch or is it a plain one? Is it a roman numbered or some dots..? [Are you there or left to check your watch?…]
Sometimes we take these fine points for granted and overlook their whole purpose.
These minute details help you connect things. So don’t just limit yourself to observations, but analyse it further. We cannot control our environment. But the closer we observe it, the more patterns and connections it reveals.
Have you ever wondered on your intuitions coming true..? It’s actually your mind game. If you are a keen observer of minute details, your subconscious mind collects all these details, sequence them properly and make logical guts for you. You call it as your intuition. But there might be a strong reasoning going on in your mind before you get that intuition.
Have that curiosity of a child while paying attention to your senses. And at the same time complement it with an eagle eye too for a bigger picture. Escape from a cluttered life. Get organized [ read more here about Life under Configuration Control] and prioritise your tasks
The more conscious you are to observe the minute details, the faster you’ll reach the level of responsiveness you want in a broader perspective as it evokes your brain cells.
So stop being absent minded, let today be the day you begin to focus on those minute details and thus free yourself from the pressure of wanting to be noticed.
“Women observe subconsciously a thousand little details, without knowing they are doing so. Their subconscious mind adds these little things together – and they call the result intuition.”
— Agatha Christie
Pic :Google
Break the routine
“Wake up and enrich your day….”
The lovely alarm song is trying to catch my ears [To be frank, not so lovely song whenever I wake up]. And as usual I didn’t hear, trust me. The second alarm raised its voice even before the first went to a ‘hibernation mode’. This time, I got up and asked my legs to be out of the bed.
So the routine started — with my little radio.
With the four hands, four legs and double minds [to think and plan in parallel], the daily kitchen magic show started in full swing forgetting even to take a moment for a long breath. Bear with me for a little exaggeration. [But not at all too much].
But I must say that I enjoy this busy morning hours with the four hands, the four legs and the double minds followed with a warm hug from my love [ though not every mornings].
But why not a little kindness towards oneself instead of jumping into the routine always? Kindness or consistency which would weigh more? Occasionally a kind break is required from the consistent routine.
Routine is like a structure to work within, but not a stringent structure to stick upon, it needs to be a flexible one which can be broken if it makes sense.
Your dead-end job may take you to the realm of repetitive problems and end up in a monotonous routine. And on finishing the 40th hour [sometimes may be 50 or 60 plus] in a week, ask yourself “What did I do new this week?”. Of course you will be worried or fired if the routine tasks are not done. But have a little bit courage to make things in your way [decide upon that strongly and for the ‘how’ part you will have a workaround] and be out of the box, thus escape from your routine and enhance your creativity.
And the situation is the same starting from a school going kid to any grown-up time killers. Obviously, a student can’t escape from his homework or lessons to be learnt. But in the midway, give them a break and catch their attention to something totally different. Try with a Rubik’s cube or Sudoku or anything of their interest. Even if it being a small achievement, that moment of satisfaction can revive them fully.
In a way routine and creativity are never good friends. Routine never takes you to notice new things. When we get used to the same path, ignore many things on the way even if it may be different sometimes. So sometimes just get lost, wander from streets to streets and watch your varying mental perceptions.
Habits are helpful and of course it requires strong will power to stick to that. It may be comfortable at times as it is beneficial for your work and private life. However once you settle into a solid routine, your blood and born begins to function on autopilot forgetting about the broad world outside. It maybe dreadful to break this foundation. And as the time passes, you become more and more obsessed to your routine.
Now just ask “Is this really what I wanted to do? What happened to my dreams? Are they side- tracked?”
So,
Take a detour in your path and rejuvenate yourself. Invite uncertainties and break the string of predictable routine stuffs.
It can save you from the boredom of routine, it can help you to see things in a different perspective, it will give you the courage to question anything, and finally it makes you think differently and enhance your creativity.
Pic : Google
What if I die at this moment?
“Live in the moment” – Often heard a lot. And definitely it’s an important concept as it is the only way to enjoy life to the fullest.
So while living in this moment, what if I die at this moment?
There is no certainty for a tomorrow.
“I am dead” – “I” was present a few moments back. But now the existence has gone to the past. What about the family..? Obviously the grief of the family is going to be million times worse than one imagined. Completely blank and surrounded by total chaos…
Now take a deep breath as I have to tell you something intense,
“Plan for your death”
Many are afraid to think about one’s own death. Maybe scared if the thoughts come true actually.
It won’t result in any disaster if you get organized for your own death in advance. So that not much of our personal affairs would be left unattended even if death arrives all of a sudden.
So think, “what if I die at this moment?”
Everything you owned have no privacy once you are dead. All your secrets are going to be handled by someone else. If the conscious mind is still awake even after your death (who knows), how do you want your affairs to be handled?
It would be a hell for your loved ones to be present in the world where you are not around and damn tough to have any mindfulness when the thoughts are overwhelmed by worries about past events. So won’t it make them a little stress free if the stuffs were kept in order before dying? You can make things a little easier for your family if your life is organized enough with plans and strategies for supporting them at the time of your nonexistence.
Finally and most importantly nothing is taken for granted. Sense what’s really valuable and what’s not. Time rolls quickly. We think that we have time and there will be another chance to appreciate the love, the time, the care and so on,. But just think ‘If today were the last day of my life and I have no other choice than to leave this mortal world, am I ready to exit the game board with less chaos left behind?’
So make less cleanup effort for the family when you are not around by being organized and value whatever you have now because ‘that missed moment’ may never happen again in future.
Steve Jobs : “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I’m about to do today. I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.”
Those uninvited thoughts – coming true
Another pleasant morning..
I remembered it’s time to return my library books. After my routine jobs, started to library in a cab. The driver stopped at the first traffic signal, just half kilometers away from my apartment. My wandering mind was a little more inventive that day. Donno why..? And immediately ‘the Mind’ asked the driver if he could go back as the traveller had forgotten something in her home.. The traffic signal was still waiting for its turn to become green. ..19..18..17..
At the 10th second, the crazy mind stopped wandering and conscious mind was kind enough to reappear. At once, it made me actually think about the forgotten book at home. There were five books to be returned and four were with me and one still at home resting on my little one’s desk. Thanking the crazy mind, conscious mind actually requested the driver if he could go back.. he agreed and took a U turn when the signal was green…
Actually these thoughts which appear from nowhere always puzzle me when they truly occur. Most of the times, these random little thoughts pop in my head without any trigger. And appears like a warning or an advanced notification. But strikes only when it truly happens.. but I can’t find any logic behind these intuitions as they are not any educated guesses. Maybe the subconscious mind is having some background logic. Who knows..?
These thoughts are not like ‘the beliefs getting reinforced’ when one says “I’m sure I can’t do it” and in reality, it’s not done. Instead they are just random apples on the head falling from empty space. Do you have these kinds of random hits on your head..?
And of course these thoughts are not any cosmic ordering [if you feel and deserve it, you will achieve it] as they are not any true wishes or expectations or focused thoughts. So no need to experiment on the same with some forceful thoughts fed into brain and awaiting to occur it. It won’t happen, no doubt upon that. [But being said that, I have a little inclination towards the philosophy of cosmic ordering whenever the thoughts or wishes are truly genuine. Trust me; ‘it will happen, if you feel it, work for it and deserve it’.]
Another possibility is the filtering nature of our mind. There could be many random thoughts always popping in head and conveniently forgotten if it didn’t occur actually. So it could be the filtering power of our mind to throw away the normal incidences while capturing and recording all such unusual incidences…But still I can’t think it to be a mere coincidence. I am scared a bit, when the most dreadful thought came true in my life all of a sudden..
I donno if I should escape from these uninvited thoughts. But.. I don’t think I can be that perfect controlling my subconscious mind. So better if I can learn to read from these advanced notifications. Maybe it’s a psychic ability….shhh…